As a relatively newly discovered trans-woman-my egg cracked in 2023-I thought I might have to conform to some idiom of what a transgender person is supposed be/behave/look. I am 62 years old, so am processing puberty through an elder's brain. I don't feel I have to conform to anyone's ideals.
When I began HRT and mentally/emotionally experienced incredible changes, it occurred to me that I had always "felt" this way, I just didn't have the words to voice my experience.
What I never understood, and still don't after pretending to be one for many years, is how a man feels/thinks.
So, I believe you're correct in your observation. How can we "be" anything other than what we've always been.
After transitioning it became only more obvious to me how I don't understand men. Pre hatching I already had therapy sessions where I was like "it's like they have a secret language I don't understand".
Strangely enough I'm currently going through a phase where most men smell repellent to me
However, I also had a very nice guy who I sat at the bar having drinks with for 2 hours, ask if he could give me a hug when I left. It was truly touching how delicately he touched me. I felt human
Honestly transition gave me that "girl feeling" and is more and more giving me a "woman feeling". It's like we start maturing into our gender when we allow ourselves the space. Maybe gender-wise we were like 6 year old girls being forced to act like a man - and now with 2nd puberty we can finally embrace all of life. But then I didn't have painful dysphoria, it was mostly dissociative and depressing for me - I was out of touch with the world and my body. And now I feel *something* and that's the contrast I can recognise.
That's a well put explanation of not knowing.
As a relatively newly discovered trans-woman-my egg cracked in 2023-I thought I might have to conform to some idiom of what a transgender person is supposed be/behave/look. I am 62 years old, so am processing puberty through an elder's brain. I don't feel I have to conform to anyone's ideals.
When I began HRT and mentally/emotionally experienced incredible changes, it occurred to me that I had always "felt" this way, I just didn't have the words to voice my experience.
What I never understood, and still don't after pretending to be one for many years, is how a man feels/thinks.
So, I believe you're correct in your observation. How can we "be" anything other than what we've always been.
All my relations,
Willow
After transitioning it became only more obvious to me how I don't understand men. Pre hatching I already had therapy sessions where I was like "it's like they have a secret language I don't understand".
Strangely enough I'm currently going through a phase where most men smell repellent to me
However, I also had a very nice guy who I sat at the bar having drinks with for 2 hours, ask if he could give me a hug when I left. It was truly touching how delicately he touched me. I felt human
It's very nice to no longer be treated like a bloke by them - even if that sometimes means they take us less seriously.
Honestly transition gave me that "girl feeling" and is more and more giving me a "woman feeling". It's like we start maturing into our gender when we allow ourselves the space. Maybe gender-wise we were like 6 year old girls being forced to act like a man - and now with 2nd puberty we can finally embrace all of life. But then I didn't have painful dysphoria, it was mostly dissociative and depressing for me - I was out of touch with the world and my body. And now I feel *something* and that's the contrast I can recognise.