Honesty at the top: I'm a cis man so I don't know if my comments will be thought relevant or even welcome.
That said, two observations. First, I genuinely think that if someone with who I shared a mutual trust (that is, enough to talk about the topic openly) said to me "I know I’m a trans woman, so why don’t I feel like one?" my immediate…
Honesty at the top: I'm a cis man so I don't know if my comments will be thought relevant or even welcome.
That said, two observations. First, I genuinely think that if someone with who I shared a mutual trust (that is, enough to talk about the topic openly) said to me "I know I’m a trans woman, so why don’t I feel like one?" my immediate response would be "What is it that you think a trans woman is supposed to feel like?" To at some point be followed with "Are you a trans woman?" {"Yes.") :shrug: "Then that's what a trans woman is supposed to feel like. Like you do."
The other is to recall an occasion when a friend was going through an emotional time (on a completely different subject) and at some point I told him (as close as I can quote at this distance of time) that he was dealing with "the terrifying prospect of re-thinking [himself], possibly from scratch."
The point is, feeling disoriented and doubtful during such a time of change is quite normal, quite natural, and my advice is to trust yourself. I suspect your heart already knows whatever path you're on is is the right one, otherwise you wouldn't have started on it. It will just some time to let go of the fear involved in giving up what went before.
I appreciate the sentiments and will always welcome comments from cis allies.
I do have to add, though, that I both agree and disagree with one thing: Yes, it *does* take some time to let go of the fear of giving up what went before. Often a lot of time. But no, I don't think overcoming that fear is related to the emotional internalization of our identities. Rather, overcoming that fear is what we have to do to come out of the closet and start transitioning *at all*. That fear is what keeps us *in* the closet.
You're also right that we know the path we're on is the right one, but that there is fear associated with that path. But I disagree about the nature of that fear. The fear associated with that path is not about giving up our former masculinity or femininity--indeed, I suspect the vast majority of us are *desperate* to give those things up. The fear associated with that path is that it won't work. That we won't be able to distance ourselves far enough from the masculinity or femininity that once plagued us to find the comfort in our own skins that we so desperately need.
Honesty at the top: I'm a cis man so I don't know if my comments will be thought relevant or even welcome.
That said, two observations. First, I genuinely think that if someone with who I shared a mutual trust (that is, enough to talk about the topic openly) said to me "I know I’m a trans woman, so why don’t I feel like one?" my immediate response would be "What is it that you think a trans woman is supposed to feel like?" To at some point be followed with "Are you a trans woman?" {"Yes.") :shrug: "Then that's what a trans woman is supposed to feel like. Like you do."
The other is to recall an occasion when a friend was going through an emotional time (on a completely different subject) and at some point I told him (as close as I can quote at this distance of time) that he was dealing with "the terrifying prospect of re-thinking [himself], possibly from scratch."
The point is, feeling disoriented and doubtful during such a time of change is quite normal, quite natural, and my advice is to trust yourself. I suspect your heart already knows whatever path you're on is is the right one, otherwise you wouldn't have started on it. It will just some time to let go of the fear involved in giving up what went before.
I appreciate the sentiments and will always welcome comments from cis allies.
I do have to add, though, that I both agree and disagree with one thing: Yes, it *does* take some time to let go of the fear of giving up what went before. Often a lot of time. But no, I don't think overcoming that fear is related to the emotional internalization of our identities. Rather, overcoming that fear is what we have to do to come out of the closet and start transitioning *at all*. That fear is what keeps us *in* the closet.
You're also right that we know the path we're on is the right one, but that there is fear associated with that path. But I disagree about the nature of that fear. The fear associated with that path is not about giving up our former masculinity or femininity--indeed, I suspect the vast majority of us are *desperate* to give those things up. The fear associated with that path is that it won't work. That we won't be able to distance ourselves far enough from the masculinity or femininity that once plagued us to find the comfort in our own skins that we so desperately need.