One thing that kept me confused, even after I discovered trans people, was I thought the concept of transition was very binary. I had a lot of genuinely feminine feelings and mannerisms. Of course, so do some cis men - but if I felt feminine, and I was AFAB, why wouldn’t that mean I’m a woman? Why wouldn’t I just stay one?
One thing that kept me confused, even after I discovered trans people, was I thought the concept of transition was very binary. I had a lot of genuinely feminine feelings and mannerisms. Of course, so do some cis men - but if I felt feminine, and I was AFAB, why wouldn’t that mean I’m a woman? Why wouldn’t I just stay one?
I had to learn I didn’t have to be or feel 100% masculine to want to be a man. I didn’t have to be some hyper masc jock bro on the other side of transition (although I do have some of that in me too lmao). I didn’t like my “female”-coded body. I didn’t like she/her pronouns or my given name. That was enough. And I could be a femme, campy, f*ggoty man on the other side.
What I discovered too is that female femininity is WAY different from male femininity. Entirely different feelings, entirely different vibes. Femininity is expected in women, especially cis women. It felt like chains. It felt boring and not artful, not playful. Femininity as a gay man feels radical, subversive, fun, a thrilling mashup of genders. It feels the way I always wanted it to feel.
Anyway - excellent article. My egg sustained several large structural cracks all throughout my life, but didn’t break open until I was almost 35 years old. Better late than never, but I still mourn the youth I didn’t get to have.
Thanks for commenting! That's very interesting. So much of online trans discourse is dominated by trans women, I don't feel like I get to hear nearly enough from trans men or non-binary people about this stuff. I love your take on how femininity feels different to you from each side.
What's interesting to me is that for me, masculinity felt boring and constrictive when I was doing that, but now that I'm doing femininity (as much as I can, anyway), *that* feels playful and fun.
I wonder if the difference in feeling is about differences in how both masculinity and femininity are expressed by people of each gender, vs. just finally getting to be how we want to be.
One thing that kept me confused, even after I discovered trans people, was I thought the concept of transition was very binary. I had a lot of genuinely feminine feelings and mannerisms. Of course, so do some cis men - but if I felt feminine, and I was AFAB, why wouldn’t that mean I’m a woman? Why wouldn’t I just stay one?
I had to learn I didn’t have to be or feel 100% masculine to want to be a man. I didn’t have to be some hyper masc jock bro on the other side of transition (although I do have some of that in me too lmao). I didn’t like my “female”-coded body. I didn’t like she/her pronouns or my given name. That was enough. And I could be a femme, campy, f*ggoty man on the other side.
What I discovered too is that female femininity is WAY different from male femininity. Entirely different feelings, entirely different vibes. Femininity is expected in women, especially cis women. It felt like chains. It felt boring and not artful, not playful. Femininity as a gay man feels radical, subversive, fun, a thrilling mashup of genders. It feels the way I always wanted it to feel.
Anyway - excellent article. My egg sustained several large structural cracks all throughout my life, but didn’t break open until I was almost 35 years old. Better late than never, but I still mourn the youth I didn’t get to have.
Thanks for commenting! That's very interesting. So much of online trans discourse is dominated by trans women, I don't feel like I get to hear nearly enough from trans men or non-binary people about this stuff. I love your take on how femininity feels different to you from each side.
What's interesting to me is that for me, masculinity felt boring and constrictive when I was doing that, but now that I'm doing femininity (as much as I can, anyway), *that* feels playful and fun.
I wonder if the difference in feeling is about differences in how both masculinity and femininity are expressed by people of each gender, vs. just finally getting to be how we want to be.