Take a Broader View of Transitioning
“Transitioning” is probably the biggest single word in trans experience. So much of what we think of as trans experience is dominated by transitioning: how it works, how we access it, how it feels, what it costs, how long it takes, and what it consists of. I’d wager that most people’s view of transitioning includes:
Hormone Replacement Therapy
Changing your name and pronouns
Updating your legal documents
Changing your wardrobe and hairstyle
Learning the mannerisms and customs of your tribe that you didn’t get to learn growing up
Various surgeries, if you decide you need them.
We may quibble about exactly what belongs on this list, but broadly speaking, these are the classics.
We may well have different views about what order it all goes in, and that’s fine; this is about the individual, about you, and you have your own view of what belongs on that list and what your personal Step One is. Maybe you think of Step One as coming out of the closet. Maybe it’s taking your first hormone pill or injection. I don’t know. But you do. Whatever it is, most of us will say that’s the moment when our transitions began.
And while I’m not here to tell you that your view of what counts as transitioning is wrong—you get to say what you need and don’t need for your own transitioning—I am here to argue that transitioning is broader than these classic transitioning activities.
Moreover, I hope to convince you that there is motivation and empowerment to be found in taking a broader view.
Obstacles and challenges
Why don’t people start transitioning right away? A lot of people spend a long time knowing that they’re trans, maybe hiding in the closet or maybe not, but not engaging with any of those classic transitioning activities. Why is that?
Usually, it’s because they see various obstacles and challenges in the way:
My parents would disown me and kick me out of the house.
I live in a country where it’s illegal to be trans.
I don’t have a doctor who can prescribe HRT meds for me and monitor my progress.
I can’t afford it.
There’s lots more besides, and I’m sure you don’t need my help thinking of all the common reasons you’ve heard—or experienced yourself—for delaying transitioning.
Not everybody has those obstacles. Some few people have the good luck to be born in supportive, well-to-do families. Or to have made their fortune before they figured out they’re trans. For those lucky few, there’s very little by way of obstacles standing between them and all the classic transitioning activities.
But for the rest of us, there’s inevitably some stuff in the way. That doesn’t mean you’re unlucky. It just means you’re in a pretty normal situation for a trans person. Again, I don’t know your life, but you do. You know what obstacles you’re facing, or even that you’ve already overcome. You know what needs to be overcome so you can take your personal Step One.
When does transitioning actually begin?
Think about someone you know or have seen online who has successfully transitioned. Someone whose posts you’ve seen on Reddit or wherever and have had that pang of longing to someday reach the point where they are.
Now think about their journey. Unless it’s someone you know personally, you probably don’t know a whole lot about their whole transitioning journey. You probably don’t know what exactly have or haven’t done, nor in what order they did any of it. You don’t know what obstacles they faced ahead of time.
But you know two things: One, there was a moment in this person’s life where they realized that transitioning was necessary for them. Two, by following some process whose details you’re not privy to, they reached the end-point that you aspire to.
That first thing is the key. In every trans person’s life, there is a before and an after, demarcated by that moment when we each realize that transitioning is something we need. It’s a pivotal moment in our lives, because it’s the moment when what we envision for our future changes. It’s the moment we realize that we need a different path forward than the path we’ve been on.
Which also means that this is the moment when that new path starts.
Transitioning begins the instant you realize you need it. If you are a trans person reading this article, you have probably had this moment already. Congratulations! You’re transitioning!
Actions, not goals
I don’t mean you’re transitioning in some trivial or pedantic way, either. I mean it in the deepest sense possible. Because once you realize you’re on this path, the entire game shifts to identifying obstacles towards the future you long for and taking actions to overcome them.
All transitioning activities, every action you take in transitioning, relates to overcoming some obstacle or challenge. HRT, surgeries, and all the other classic transitioning activities, these are not goals. They are ways of overcoming specific challenges we’re facing.
Put another way: I didn’t come out of the closet for the sake of being out. I did it because taking that action enabled me to pursue HRT and other classic activities openly. I didn’t start HRT because I just love taking pills. I started HRT because that was an action I could do to overcome the challenge of not having breasts and not feeling right in my own mind. If I get facial feminization surgery someday, it won’t be because I have a kink for getting surgery. It’ll be because that will be an action I can take to overcome obstacles I have about my face: and how I and others perceive it. I’ll do it because it brings me closer to the real goal of being happy with what I see in the mirror.
And the same can be said for everything that comes before the classic activities too. It’s all part of the same path. And everything on that path is a necessary step for realizing the life you’re longing for. Certain of those actions are more visible, more obviously transition-related, than others. But they’re all necessary.
For someone living in a country where transitioning is criminalized, it’s not realistic or safe for them to do the classic transitioning activities immediately. They’ll need to move to a safer country first. They’re not moving for the sake of moving, but to enable them to pursue the classics. And in turn, the preliminary action of emigrating has its own obstacles and challenges: researching what countries are safe, picking one, sorting out the visa or immigration process they’ll need to go through, saving money, etc. In that situation, all of those actions are just as much a part of transitioning as the classics. Just because the point of them is only to enable the classics doesn’t mean they aren’t also transitioning.
They are, because they are necessary to get the life you long for.
This is the broader view: transitioning is everything you need to do to get the life you long for. Doesn’t matter if it’s a preliminary step or the very last one. Doesn’t matter if everybody knows why you’re doing it or if it’s your little secret. If it’s necessary, it’s transitioning.
Find your path
Wherever you’re starting out now, you will find a path from there to the life you want. You can figure out what that path is by thinking about your transition goals, identifying the challenges and obstacles in the way, and determining what actions will overcome them.
I won’t promise you it’s an easy path. I won’t promise it’s a fast path. I won’t promise that you won’t have any setbacks or unexpected bumps in the way. You probably will.
But I do promise you that there is a path you can follow. Because if you just keep working it backwards, from goal to challenge to actions, however many steps back you have to trace it, eventually you land at some challenge that you can take action on right now.
That’s why I say there is motivation and empowerment to be found in taking a broader view of transitioning. Because with a broader view, you’ll see the ways you can make progress right now. Maybe the classics are still far away from you, but there’s something you can do today to pull them a little closer.
All you have to do is choose to do it. Choose to tackle whichever obstacles can be tackled today. Choose to do that every day, or as often as you have the energy, until you’re living the life you always longed for.